just talked to her on the phone cos she happened to call to chat with my mum...she was saying it isn't anything impt. just calling to talk with mum cos she's bored, and said that she wld call again next time..so i told her she can always chat with me. she said something like..its okay, u go do your work or something..but i still insisted on speaking with her. cos i miss her so so much.
and as i was speaking to her, actually, when i heard her voice, i felt like crying already. im tearing so terribly now. i felt like crying cos yeayea..i miss her. and well. cos..i dunno.i just love her so much and yet, there are so little chances of me speaking with her, Being with her Physically. really.
she's really the most adorable person. we talked about everything. from fishponds to terrorism, to the assasination of the sri lanka politician. my grandma went thru so much, communism, everything..migration..
grandma: why kill people right? why do they want to kill one another? it's so messy nowadays. so chaotic. they can quarrel all they want..but murder is really bad. imagine. would they want themselves to be murdered too?
no popo.
sometimes it seems the world sucks to much, you know?
grandma: yea. exactly. if people don't get along, talk less! or quarrel more! don't need to kill (still going on abt her pt)
sigh. i came home feeling really pissed. stayed in school for four hours, settling forum letters, getting editing done. my exams are starting on thurs. and i am staying back to do such things, that people Do Not appreciate or see. i mean, its a neccessary sacrifice..but.
well. let's put it this way. i understand and know (yea.i know. surprisesurprise) that everyone's got their own stuff to attend to. everyone's busy. so am i. but.it stinks so bad when u've always thought that there would be people who will be accompanyin you thru all this.so it didn't seem that bad. but then, at that particular moment, you're left all alone. not totally but. still. get me? i don't care. i know what i mean.
i really hate false assurances. fake security...u thot there's someone on ur side, to fall back upon. but as i was getting home, feeling all sour and bitter. this tune crept up on me.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
really.i don't see God's plan. the plan for these few days. this coming week.
but who cares.
i give him praise for two things.
[1] for giving me a comprehensive, thorough and informative presentation on the ugly sides of some people. full screening. at zero dollars. [btw. im not going to watch march of the penguins in sept. tho its 3 dollars]
[2] for allowing me to thoroughly enjoy those four hours of work, of letter drafting, redrafting, speaking to mentors, fiddling with tht printer miles away from my com, running to and fro. im not a victim. i happen to be your succeeding survivor.
and when i got home, i cooked noodles for myself, since no one else was at home.
its my third attempt at cooking.
the noodles turned out all right but a lil bit too much sesame oil within the pkt and a lil too much water. i told my grandma and she was laughing at me..oops.
my noodles are in front of me...all cold..cos i was on the phone for 35 mins...my entire left arm was numb. i dont feel hungry anymore...how.
hm. look at this long entry..my journal is burning with jealousy. haiya.
egg+nissin noodles
ohwell...i better go and study...[i love my grandma] just allow me to repeat once more.
kmli blogged at 8/24/2005 09:25:00 AM
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