mossadance

9.44pm: boo! say hello to the CCIC for council camp, 2007.
say byebye now,
cos tmr i going to the sunny shores of Bintan.

10.44pm : So hard to pack for camp =\ i count and count the number of set of clothes i need and i lose count and lose count, again and again...how i wish i can abracadebra everything
into place...my fairy godmother....my angel...urgh...

kmli blogged at 5/26/2006 09:04:00 PM

im really losing my voice.
either that or
im getting a new voice that sounds horribly unlike my own.

BUT
i love Raffles

kmli blogged at 5/25/2006 09:32:00 PM

[1] match support everyday... my voice runaway!

[2] my mama sends me coolio capital lettered smses nowadays.

sample one: "WAITING FOR YOUR CALL.. FROM SUNRISE TO SUNSET!!". at first i thought she was trying to be poetic or funny cos she was bored, then i realised it was cos i didnt give her a call on reaching school for my gp common test. so i called her at once.

[3] GP common test : Li Kun Man, terrigible time management for your paper two. For paper one, you better go and check out the rubrics they use to mark spam! =|

[4] eight wings, one down! just came back frm xmenIII preview. went to macs with some og mates - shinjung and swapnil. ogl - senthil. and the one with the amusing laughter - Rng. talked about childhood tv shows, about disney...hohoho. felt so happy =)

[5] i really can't wait for bintan. i dread the packing part though. and the studying partS that will follow soon after.

kmli blogged at 5/24/2006 11:12:00 PM

--> the dried roses frm dance night are ready for ornamental storage, but my mummy says these geberas cannot be kept cos they seem to be rotting away. i suppose it's due to the structure of them, that they retain a bit of water, so you need to be very proactive in the initial drying stages. so bye to one big bundle of them. mum brought these in so i took a pic of the few of them.

ohwells. council invest is over. rugby finals are over. the hockey and netball matches are too. so's basketball. i dare not blog abt them cos words wont do justice to the experience i had over the past week. and it's like a bottle containing all those snapshots and scenes frm the past week, i just see thru the transparent bottle, not wanting to pour them out, cos im afraid i spill them over, that i'll miss something somehow...and it's because i've so much HW to catch up on...=\ anyways, they were very memorable, because of the 'people factor'.

special mention goes to the people in my investdancegrp. personally, there's no way i could have stayed patient, with smiles and encouragement, stretching over 2+ weeks, if not for your spurring me on- thru your responses. there was an issue abt the costume, and i hope u understand where im coming frm cos ultimately, i believe i made the right choice. i hope you've had a verypositive and enjoyable experience. u guys met challenge in the face and made my efforts worth the while. was esp. touched when i)the girls practiced hard on that sat morn, and interrupted me, saying ' eh, kunman, we show you the dance, but we count.' then they went counting and doing the actions so carefully, concentrating so hard...so sincere. totally meltable. ii) we were having grp practice under the night sky (whatever time it was?!?) and you guys hummed/sang 'jeremiah was a bullfrog' a little, and then exploded in the 'joy to the world chorus.' if not for time (it's always time - is it not), i wld have sat down to just watch you guys and marvel at how amazing you all looked and sounded. '=]

on a lighter note, i think i've found a new friend. instant soup packs. it's the last wk of sch...very busy...as always?!?

im looking forward to ccal camp at bintan, though it sounds so troublesome and though i know like almost everyone from my grp but hopefully, i'll still meet new and interesting people.but then there's the issue abt studying for tests and making-it for church retreat rehearsals, maybe i shld just backout. so busy.

kmli blogged at 5/20/2006 08:09:00 PM

mothers' day today. called my two grandmas.
paternal grannie: she's how strong and sharp a woman. quick in thinking and it's cool to listen to her stories. she's always convincing. she can assure you of how well she's doing. her social circle and her yum cha buddies <3
maternal grannie: im closer to her, prolly cos she took care of me since i was young. before i left her for singapore. i always want to call her up. always. it doesnt matter we dont talk about global affairs, or about anything 'spectacular'. but at the same time, im always afraid to call her. because i get reminded of how pathetic circumstances are.

we talk about what she does everyday, which park she walks in, the route she takes, whether the new trees her estate has is tall enough to give shade. about other grannies in her social circle who congregate at the central pond area. about the restaurant she goes to yum cha at everyday, how on certain days there are so many old folks she can't seem to find a seat. about how she would stroll home again, eat and watch tv, then turn in for bed, waking up the nxt morning at six for the same old new activites. i told her it isnt just her...people who work nonstop go through perhaps - more boring routines than her?

we both agree it's already a blessing to be able to walk and sit as you wish at her age. to me, sometimes it's standing on the edge, not knowing whether you are living full-out for the rest of your life, or waiting for fresh death from your many living years. things can get so dreary if you have no purpose. [therefore, Look to God!:)]

i told her about my holiday plans. about how im not paying a single thing for ccal camp. she says 'of course! it justifies the fact you are giving your strength and energy. the money shld be given to you.' her simple logics. <3 i tell her im going for church retreat at dickenson. she exclaims im going to so many places, and she says she wonders what i'll grow up to be...

and whether she'll be around to see be become what i shall be.

grandma says it doesnt matter whether she'll be around to see me then. she says she knows things will work out well for me. all these things, life and death, poured into the measuring cylinder of time, are obvious whether they are spoken or not. but everytime i speak to her, i really want to kick myself. im afraid of taking the reading on the scale. im afraid to see no markings on the cylinder, or blurred markings, or to commit deadly parallex errors.

what matters most to me? even now, im so darn sure i'll be in for regret. deep regret for not spending time whenever possible with her. but, somehow, sometimes, we can't be choosers. sometimes your choice is not in the options. I try my best to give my best at every instance possible. but somethings just dont measure up. i just cannot give her all she would deserve. i'll keep trying. but, for how long. there's no forever.

i think it would be fantastic if i could just thrash out the least talked about issues with her, openly talk to her about all those gray areas that we both know exist. but somehow, because of circumstances, i just try my very best to make frequent small talk with her, just to make sure she knows that i love her so much. i think she gets it. uh huh, and then?

everytime i hear her speak, it's torture blinking and dabbing away the tears, keeping my voice normal, injecting that laugh, mind ticking away to get on to another topic. im so darn weak inside la. lousy crap. God, i feel so helpless. im trapped behind the very bars i hammered into the ground. it's not even a case of 'i want to do so much'. i just want to do a little more each time, and everytime, i feel like kicking myself.

and it's always across those telephone lines. those thin lines sparrows perch on. so many thin lines, im very afraid i lose trace of our right of the line we share.

it's like a payphone. u keep feeding coins. but your session times out. you know how it feels when you feed in a coin, and that coin just comes out through the other end, and the screen continues to blink "Insert Coin". Sometimes, you see your session timing out, and you try to dig so hard for that coin you thought you saw in your purse but you can't find it anymore. Othertimes, when you insert a coin, you get through to an answering machine, or worse still, no one picks up on the other end, or it's cos that number's 'no longer in use'. and it's as though that coin sucking machine sadistically swallows even your last coin up. You can only cling on to your coin purse. count your coins. what's your financial strategy to have enough coins, and not to forget to use 'em well?

kmli blogged at 5/14/2006 08:26:00 PM

im sitting here, legs tucked up, in a painful wince.
i just came back from my shower, and i...met...a lizard in the shower..and...i was really very scared.
my parents are asleep and there's no way i can call out to them from the bathroom. no one will be able to hear me, so i splashed water on it, to try to guide it up the ceiling, so i can bathe. but no, it couldnt grip onto the walls too well with the water, and it was taking too long. i was so desperate and suddenly, i had the idea to lift up the drain cover, pick up the shower head and blast it down into the drain. it wasnt a big lizard. it was a baby one. but houselizards are so ugly because they look so whimsy and pale and jelloy and sticky and icky. i blasted it down the wall, on the floor, and it was struggling so badly. finally, i got it into the drain, and i gathered all my courage to flip the drain cover back down. i swear that when i turned off the shower head, i just leaned against the toilet door, in utter shock, and i was really going to just cry. it was a lose-lose situation. i prolly frightened it more than it shld frighten me, but i was really so scared, there was also no way i could bathe. and throughout my whole bath, i was so scared it would climb up the drain again. i was traumatised and ready to just run to the other corner of the bathroom to sob. silly stupid cowardy me. im afraid of moss too. tell me about me. boohoo. =\ what i did tonight was the bravest thing i did - other than helping to use newspapers to hit a lizard/clearing lizard carcasses. i hate the latter. where's my daddy...='(

kmli blogged at 5/14/2006 01:40:00 AM

julia reminded me about the poem mr tan showed us at council meeting.

Leisure by William Henry Davies

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Sometimes we get all hyped up about action and work, about 'doing something'. We dont even know what, but, 'doing something' seems better than doing nothing. But it's a luxury to be able to stand and stare, to just observe and think, on your feet. Try, at the end of your busy day, to capture/recall just one 'screenshot' of your day on fast forward mode. what do you remember? was it that moment of bitter anger amounting to hate, that moment of relief at a test postponed, a wrong word spoken. or do you remember nothing at all.

don't dance too fast, cause the music wouldn't last...

True, 'regret' is an awful feeling no one reaches out palms wide for. i used to think that must be the most awful feeling i want to swerve around. (my sis will know. at theme parks, i try my best to just step on every ride cos i dont want to 'regret'. that's a small trivial thing. of course there are more incidents that hold deeper significance. i'll tell you more *) but don't be afraid of regret. cos with each measure of regret you've got, it's a new chance to put things in perspective, to convert your share of regret into something productive. everything happens for a reason, or so i Choose to believe. Watching hotel rwanda in Segments disturbing. maybe having it in small doses is better, i don't know, and i dont care, cos that's not the point. There are two ways i'm watching the movie in. mode one: very emotionally-'participative'. makes me cry very easily. mode two: 'marking' the movie, catching on the details and expressions, taking it as a report/essay assignment and thinking hard about all the issues, in a more 'analytical mode'. not 'close' to tears at all. i dont know which is better.

it's better to let lose but i dont want to watch it, shed them (the tears), feel nauseous, and then, 'think' nothing of it after two days. And such things are happening everyday in the world, albeit on a smaller scale. And i'm here, on assignment, to be 'their voice'. Each of us is assigned that task, with the deadline being each day of our lives. I'll never forget zhenghong saying 'everyday is once in a lifetime'. perhaps he was making one of those random comments but, he scored with this one la.

throughout the week, i was home late everyday, staying back for council stuffs. as much as i feel the time spent doing council stuff is justifiable, i think we councillors shld not neglect the 'ministry' right at our doorstep. our friends should not feel robbed of us. we musnt forget the seemingly 'minute' details. we're serving the school, yes, but the school has to serve itself. at the end of the day, (you may call it a viscious cycle) the school serves her own history, her present glory/shame and her future to come. it's everyone holding up each pillar. and given the sophisticated architecture of our bishan campus, we need everyhand, so let's UNITE.

so on my way home each night, i'll be thinking, and here are some things i thought about, not many cause i cant renember them now.

[1] 'Getting along'. Sometimes, there's that dude in that corner you just dont understand, that girl you just cannot stand. Other times you look around you and you just dont get why on earth that creature down there doesn't get you. many a times, we just reason it out with our own flawed logics and commonsenses (i wonder how common is common given we're unique. if all humans actually shared a 'common' sense, many things shld not be happening.) At the end of the day, let's just take a step back and get over the greatest hurdle. Look into the mirror. Can you stand yourself? Do you understand 'you'? Get Along With Yourself first. =)

[2] i remembered my maternal grandpa one night. I know he's passed away, but i never felt him 'dead'...after the night i knew he was gone, i dont think i cried more than 10 times. that's cause i still feel he's just 'gone down to the shops' if he isnt at his home in HK. Sometimes i just forget and say 'four' when people ask how many of my grandparents are still around. When making festive cards to mail overseas, I still put his name down on my checklist. I remember his voice...his backview, his footsteps, his pace, his face, his expressions. See, recalling sucks, cos it makes me cry. But really, people just slip away like that.

Right now, below my keyboard 'tray' are two drawers next to each other. in one of them is a voice recorder. i wont even bother looking. but before my grandpa got admitted into hospital to remove his tumour, a trip that removed him from the face of this earth, i had a conversation with him over the phone. i knew i was being morbid, and i tried so hard to look as if i want to attempt something 'silly/cool' in front of my sister so i dont scare her, when i took a voice recorder, put it to the receiver and taped down a bit of the conversation. i was hopeful, but i was scared that i would lose my grandpa. Sure enough, the voice recording turned out pretty good. Sure enough, that was the last voice conversation i had with him. But i dare not listen to the tape. Im scared that when i put on the tapes, i can't locate that last recording. i dont think im in denial cos im fine with him gone in a sense, since nothing can be done about such things. so, recording down the convo was a sensible thing i did? but what good does that serve now?

at least, i did 'something'?

kmli blogged at 5/13/2006 08:53:00 PM

it's over. thanks wenmin, julia, kelvin, jingwen and michelle for da tags.
wenmin: i think we miss your batch. see you girls next year.
julia: that's a secret! shh.. heh.
kelvin: thanks =] thanks heexun and the funny lingting for coming down too.
jingjing: abs...er, i have abs. eyeliner...er, i used eyeliner. that's all! nothing much. dude, it was a wonder i spotted you in the crowd! i mean...you know what i mean? heehee.
michelle: thanks for the praises for your braider. felt so pained for you when you came in after hip hop with tears in your eyes, sobbing that your knee disjointed. but you went on and yea, you went on, danced on, and im proud of my employer =) yes. rg dance night, then blahblahblah. hohoho. bye perv. II

hope everyone enjoyed the concert and it was worth it paying for that ticket of yours. there's more to come for me. so exciting.

everyone, must send me photos.

kmli blogged at 5/07/2006 07:09:00 PM

first night's over. and everything was such great joyy except for looking for my friends after the concert. couldnt find so many of them, so i just told them to forget it. i wasnt alone cos a few of my friends couldnt find their friends, and after a while, i started giving away my flowers. it's not in the flowers anyway i guess. the rushing for costume changes and makeup changes is so fun =]

one last night to go. through the pants, i'll be holding my breath, till the end of the concert, when you dont know whether you should 'exhale', cos once you do, amarante has ended, and it's back to studying? (I HOPE.) but i have to exhale - cos i inhaled, get what i mean?

victoria theatre, here i come again.
praise God for a wonderful concert we had last night.

kmli blogged at 5/06/2006 03:04:00 PM

dance makes me so high and happy.
but yet. i hate it that i have to stone in between items, when i think of the work im piled up with.
worse still, tmr there's math test.
i know im going to fail already, so that doesnt matter.
it's just...this whole thing that is making me SLIGHTLY tired, and little annoyed.
im enjoying myself calculating net feel, but, sigh. sometimes i just feel a wee bit exasperated ok?

kmli blogged at 5/03/2006 11:59:00 PM

Ginger Nuts Mcvities
- are a little too sweet, but nice.
Goats' Milk
- the bottle tells you something very important.
Moo Moo Cup
- my father says it looks like a vase.

kmli blogged at 5/01/2006 02:43:00 PM

special packeted chicken wing.
there's probably a lot of preservatives.
it was salty also.
but easy to chew and eat. oohlala. sexy wing.
that little rascal =) came over...look at the cheeky grins and the climbing-all-overs, doing her coloring, and adult-talking in that kiddo-lingo with me..

kmli blogged at 5/01/2006 12:34:00 AM