zz
goodnight.
kmli blogged at 11/26/2005 05:52:00 PM
what's due, what waits.
NOW, Important Announcement. Official Declaration.
During my absence from 21st to 25th November, the sister, my personal secretary will take over my duties/try to cover up for the urgent matters. Continue mailing me, but you might just land yourself the honor of getting bitten/snapped at by my Very Friendly and Accomodating Secretary, with a gigantic heart and even sharper claws. oops.
okay. i've got more to tell you about/ blog about. just let me make a mental note
[1] followup post to exchange rate between heart and mind. interesting twist!
[2] that unsober night after prom =] hilarious!
i guess i should go to bed now, and just drop off everything and just go to Malaysia as if i am bursting of curiousity and affection for a brilliant across the causeway holiday.
God, may i find favour with you first, then with my peers and teachers. Let your light shine upon me, my greatest wish being you allow me to emerge as salt and light in this trip. Amen =]
kmli blogged at 11/21/2005 06:25:00 PM
the xchange rate btwn hearts and minds.
heart and mind.
mind and heart.
the heart my mind.
the mind my heart.
sometimes i can't tell the difference. but when i feel the difference, im just swept off my feet.
was working on the com as usual and suddenly, it came. finally. im a person who just needs to cry. it's scary and it's almost a need. but...i dont bawl. i cry pretty decently. no noise, i wont even sniff loudly, just one thing i need. tissue paper. that's all. no big fuss.
but given that i'm so busy, crying is a big fuss! i sound weird but really. i hate it when i have a cardiac overload. i can hold and carry many things in my mind, but, really. my heart has a low weight capacity. if you like, it's like the heart that is always on the run. that's always on show, that's always - anything but Kun Man's heart. ok. not that bad, but, to a certain extent, it's true at times, i would just speak frankly. to myself.
so the heart sees, the heart feels, the heart thinks (hah, yes..mine does), the heart speaks, the heart tweeks, the heart hides, the heart runs (yes, it can hide and run well). but the heart receives a justified arrest eventually.
was using the com, and upon cardiac arrest, the tear ducts were on full force. i dont know why, but tears just rolled out. it's almost like an asthma attack (one that i imagine- cos i havn't got asthma). i took deep, silent breaths, just to check myself. am i really crying. for what.
i knew i was doomed. i had lost the battle to the tears. but i didn't know what exactly i was feeling. i had to excuse myself from work, from chats. i just felt and knew and formed my hypothetical theory that it's not cause im stressed from the busyness- but really, the heart of the matter is that the heart-matters have reached a crescendo. a peak that has thrashed that threshold. when the heart cannot run, let the legs run.
i went out for dinner. told my mum i needed to start dinner first. i wanted to just forget about the tears. get away from that 'spot'. i even took more rice- just so i could have more time outside the work studio to calm down. but it was one of the worse dinners that happened. i couldn't help thinking about whatever that i might be thinking. i started to check myself, my feelings (yes, sometimes they divorce or estrangle themselves to become two seperate entities). and the tears rolled again. WHY? [you probably think im..abnormal now]
[just so you think im even more abnormal] i've been tearing/crying since the beginning of this entry. the thinking and words is a temporial relieve. a blood-stopper.
ok. second piece of tissue. im a gd rationer.
[1] ever since the end of sch term, end of netball carn, i've been busy. with many things. but then again, when was i 'free'. well, just to clarify. im always busy, but my definition and standards of busyness is probably quite different so, that doesn't mean i've no time for anyone. i always have. let me know, i'll make it. it's just the percentage of heart and mind engagement that would be under compromise, depending of factors like people and circumstance. so, since the many false farewells, i think i've mentioned in my previous entries that i've just become majorly ineloquent, and empty. which is not right. because i must feel something. just that i dont know what. so now, perhaps with f.a.m, things are coming to a close. really, i'll really miss so many so many people. i mean, i want to hold on to many memories [you're probably thinking, what a stupid girl, typical girls' school, FULL of emotions, so touchy and..eek]
well, i've decided. as much as i want to be protective and think i 'know'. people change and i know all of you, 4seveners in particular, you will change. Change! i've always stood for change. i wont be afraid, i wont hold back. all i ask for is for you to be aware and certain. know where you are, change however you want. but be accountable, know Why. i'm really glad things are drawing to a close. with a more final farewell. change. everyday, i know you as a new individual. in that sense, everyday's a new chance from God. dont chain up yourself. try me. change, and i want to challenge myself to accept you who changes legitimately.
[2] just cause i havn't had much time for myself. a lot of the things i reflect on are really just touch and go issues. Like the other day when i called grandma. i know i wanted to speak with her, but, everything's just impromptu. (it shld be! i dont write phone scripts) i dont have time to prepare myself. and, yes. MAYBE i think too much. NEXT.
[3] work attachment. was at dr kong hwailong's clinic. oncology. cancer, chemo, blood tests, whatever. well, this might just be the opposite of item [2]. i think i was very well prepared. too well prepared. when i saw the amazing people, they just...kind of overwhelmed me. i saw that sort of strength charity shows dont show. it's just amazing and im crying a lil more now. I need to thank God for this moment of privacy right now. i wont be able to explain myself.
well, i saw the injustice, the societal holes, the scaring, the scabs, the tears, the trembling. i saw families united like milk and water. i saw ones that are like oil + water. but they know they are 'family'.
i saw op scars, i saw removed body parts. i saw graciousness and patience, i saw humility, but i saw airs. i saw determination and i'm not reciting a vocab list. [you must be thinking wah, this girl go one attachment cry one night ah]. it's not cos of this, but it just 'contributes' you know?
i saw reality, i saw hopes and the most stupid dreams, even before death. i saw death, i saw broken lives. i saw whole lives and broken skin and bones. it's give and take. i look really brave, i just know how confident i looked while observing. but when i come home and think about the day, maybe it's the setting. that missing boob doesn't look so laboratory, it doesn't look so clinical and medical anymore. i see that single boob together with the whole person, the whole family portrait..AND trust me, it is disgusting and gross. and to think they are just 'living it' 24/7.and gratefully counting down to that gruesome experience. i know i can do something. i know i did something. but i always know, i havn't done much. why? cause i'm even more disabled than them.
of course, in between really silent sobs - haha, no joke. im quite pro] oh fourth piece of tissue ready..abandoned the count - all the above mentioned havn't killed me. they've made me stronger. cliche? well, face it. dont scorn at cliches. earthly living is CLICHE. the reason why i recover in time not to become fossilised and corpsified personally to become a living cliche/ dead cliche is because i can draw strength from God. he's the most amazing.
again and again, i go forward to serve, and they teach me so much. i go forward expecting to learn, and they show me so much. this sort of things teach the best lessons, ethics. and now, as my crying subsides, i'm going to take a short nap (yes! at this hour) or do more work (yes! at this hour).
---
on a happier note, f.a.m. was quite...fun. and overated. shame to the shameless who talked and walked abt during the dinner. it really looked horrendous. it was a shame. we need to work that out, yea? some couldn't give respect to performers - i was actually quite happy abt my item ready- for other items, your abducted sense of occassion (assuming it was ever there) is the biggest tumour growth. the most agressive social tumour.
---
and yes, i wanted to mention this right from the beginning already. i dont take lightly to flamers. i wont spend time pointing out mistakes, trying to rehabilitate you. you are you, you land yourself there, you will realise you are in a deep dark hole. when at this stage, you have that distinguished priviledge of picking your own carcass up and walk on. i dont hate you, maybe i love you too much. but dearest ___. some things can be grey. on yours and others' part.
to all: allow some things to be grey. dont be destructive and add shade to it so you can proudly declare it 'black'/ furiously cat-claw stuff away so you sneer and announce it 'white'.
---
now that i've finished up the tear bank for this cycle, i'm going to get back to work. i feel much better. to the patients i've seen these two days. i'm praying for you. that is the best prescription you are given F.O.C. i dont know why i sometimes force myself to remember your names. they wont mean anything. but perhaps, you've just struck me so hard i know im going to remember you, including the as of today late Mr ___. i've winced, i've cried. now is the time to march on, brave with dreams. just like you. i know i've got Love.
----
"The Rose"
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snowslies
the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
-----
what's wrong with crying, with falling, with temporal broken-ness.
because i want my heart to learn to dance.
what's wrong with waking up to face dirty reality, to wake from dream,
because i like to gamble and take chances when i can afford to.
what's wrong with being taken, with your heart arrested by emotions and tears,
because i want to learn to give, so much more than the previous time.
it's not fear to death, but death to fear.
how to face each farewell as the celebration of a 'life' fulfilled.
it took you to just show me how to live in approaching death.
kmli blogged at 11/19/2005 02:09:00 PM
the xchange rate btwn hearts and minds.
heart and mind.
mind and heart.
the heart my mind.
the mind my heart.
sometimes i can't tell the difference. but when i feel the difference, im just swept off my feet.
was working on the com as usual and suddenly, it came. finally. im a person who just needs to cry. it's scary and it's almost a need. but...i dont bawl. i cry pretty decently. no noise, i wont even sniff loudly, just one thing i need. tissue paper. that's all. no big fuss.
but given that i'm so busy, crying is a big fuss! i sound weird but really. i hate it when i have a cardiac overload. i can hold and carry many things in my mind, but, really. my heart has a low weight capacity. if you like, it's like the heart that is always on the run. that's always on show, that's always - anything but Kun Man's heart. ok. not that bad, but, to a certain extent, it's true at times, i would just speak frankly. to myself.
so the heart sees, the heart feels, the heart thinks (hah, yes..mine does), the heart speaks, the heart tweeks, the heart hides, the heart runs (yes, it can hide and run well). but the heart receives a justified arrest eventually.
was using the com, and upon cardiac arrest, the tear ducts were on full force. i dont know why, but tears just rolled out. it's almost like an asthma attack (one that i imagine- cos i havn't got asthma). i took deep, silent breaths, just to check myself. am i really crying. for what.
i knew i was doomed. i had lost the battle to the tears. but i didn't know what exactly i was feeling. i had to excuse myself from work, from chats. i just felt and knew and formed my hypothetical theory that it's not cause im stressed from the busyness- but really, the heart of the matter is that the heart-matters have reached a crescendo. a peak that has thrashed that threshold. when the heart cannot run, the legs run.
i went out for dinner. told my mum i needed to start dinner first. i wanted to just forget about the tears. get away from that 'spot'. i even took more rice- just so i could have more time outside the work studio to calm down. but it was one of the worse dinners that happened. i couldn't help thinking about whatever that i might be thinking. i started to check myself, my feelings (yes, sometimes they divorce or estrangle themselves to become two seperate entities). and the tears rolled again. WHY? [you probably think im..abnormal now]
[just so you think im even more abnormal] i've been tearing/crying since the beginning of this entry. the thinking and words is a temporial relieve. a blood-stopper.
ok. second piece of tissue. im a gd rationer.
[1] ever since the end of sch term, end of netball carn, i've been busy. with many things. but then again, when was i 'free'. well, just to clarify. im always busy, but my definition and standards of busyness is probably quite different so, that doesn't mean i've no time for anyone. i always have. let me know, i'll make it. it's just the percentage of heart and mind engagement that would be under compromise, depending of factors like people and circumstance. so, since the many false farewells, i think i've mentioned in my previous entries that i've just become majorly ineloquent, and empty. which is not right. because i must feel something. just that i dont know what. so now, perhaps with f.a.m, things are coming to a close. really, i'll really miss so many so many people. i mean, i want to hold on to many memories [you're probably thinking, what a stupid girl, typical girls' school, FULL of emotions, so touchy and..eek]
well, i've decided. as much as i want to be protective and think i 'know'. people change and i know all of you, 4seveners in particular, you will change. Change! i've always stood for change. i wont be afraid, i wont hold back. all i ask for is for you to be aware and certain. know where you are, change however you want. but be accountable, know Why. i'm really glad things are drawing to a close. with a more final farewell. change. everyday, i know you as a new individual. in that sense, everyday's a new chance from God. dont chain up yourself. try me. change, and i want to challenge myself to accept you who changes legitimately.
[2] just cause i havn't had much time for myself. a lot of the things i reflect on are really just touch and go issues. Like the other day when i called grandma. i know i wanted to speak with her, but, everything's just impromptu. (it shld be! i dont write phone scripts) i dont have time to prepare myself. and, yes. MAYBE i think too much. NEXT.
[3] work attachment. was at dr kong hwailong's clinic. oncology. cancer, chemo, blood tests, whatever. well, this might just be the opposite of item [2]. i think i was very well prepared. too well prepared. when i saw the amazing people, they just...kind of overwhelmed me. i saw that sort of strength charity shows dont show. it's just amazing and im crying a lil more now. I need to thank God for this moment of privacy right now. i wont be able to explain myself. well, i saw the injustice, the societal holes, the scaring, the scabs, the tears, the trembling. i saw families united like milk and water. i saw ones that are like oil + water. but they know they are 'family'.
i saw op scars, i saw removed body parts. i saw graciousness and patience, i saw humility, but i saw airs. i saw determination and i'm not reciting a vocab list. [you must be thinking wah, this girl go one attachment cry one night ah]. it's not cos of this, but it just 'contributes' you know?
i saw reality, i saw hopes and the most stupid dreams, even before death. i saw death, i saw broken lives. i saw whole lives and broken skin and bones. it's give and take. i look really brave, i just know how confident i looked while observing. but when i come home and think about the day, maybe it's the setting. that missing boob doesn't look so laboratory, it doesn't look so clinical and medical anymore. i see that single boob together with the whole person, the whole family portrait..AND trust me, it is disgusting and gross. and to think they are just 'living it' 24/7.and gratefully counting down to that gruesome experience. i know i can do something. i know i did something. but i always know, i havn't done much. why? cause i'm even more disabled than them.
of course, in between really silent sobs - haha, no joke. im quite pro] oh fourth piece of tissue ready..abandoned the count - all the above mentioned havn't killed me. they've made me stronger. cliche? well, face it. dont scorn at cliches. earthly living is CLICHE. the reason why i recover in time not to become fossilised and corpsified personally to become a living cliche/ dead cliche is because i can draw strength from God. he's the most amazing.
again and again, i go forward to serve, and they teach me so much. i go forward expecting to learn, and they show me so much. this sort of things teach the best lessons, ethics. and now, as my crying subsides, i'm going to take a short nap (yes! at this hour) or do more work (yes! at this hour).
---
on a happier note, f.a.m. was quite...fun. and overated. shame to the shameless who talked and walked abt during the dinner. it really looked horrendous. it was a shame. we need to work that out, yea? some couldn't give respect to performers - i was actually quite happy abt my item ready- for other items, your abducted sense of occassion (assuming it was ever there) is the biggest tumour growth. the most agressive social tumour.
---
and yes, i wanted to mention this right from the beginning already. i dont take lightly to flamers. i wont spend time pointing out mistakes, trying to rehabilitate you. you are you, you land yourself there, you will realise you are in a deep dark hole. when at this stage, you have that distinguished priviledge of picking your own carcass up and walk on. i dont hate you, maybe i love you too much. but dearest ___. some things can be grey. on yours and others' part.
to all: allow some things to be grey. dont be destructive and add shade to it so you can proudly declare it 'black'/ furiously cat-claw stuff away so you sneer and announce it 'white'.
---
now that i've finished up the tear bank for this cycle, i'm going to get back to work. i feel much better. to the patients i've seen these two days. i'm praying for you. that is the best prescription you are given F.O.C. i dont know why i sometimes force myself to remember your names. they wont mean anything. but perhaps, you've just struck me so hard i know im going to remember you, including the as of today late Mr ___. i've winced, i've cried. now is the time to march on, brave with dreams. just like you. i know i've got Love.
----
"The Rose"
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,and you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snowslies
the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.
-----
what's wrong with crying, with falling, with temporal broken-ness.
because i want my heart to learn to dance.
what's wrong with waking up to face dirty reality, to wake from dream,
because i like to gamble and take chances when i can afford to.
what's wrong with being taken, with your heart arrested to emotions and tears,
because i want to learn to give, so much more than the previous time.
it's not fear to death, but death to fear.
how to face each farewell as the celebration of a 'life' fulfilled.
it took you to just show me how to live in approaching death.
kmli blogged at 11/19/2005 02:09:00 PM
juggler.
im having gastric today. complete with a backache. i've been hard at work since i got home at around 7. had attachment today. brilliant start. the guppies aren't even fed! poor fishes. the only thing that's spurring me on is to try to play heroine, and work together with the fishes on a joint mission, to avoid having them on the dinner plate of jeremy's eel. - actually i see that as some sort of eventual end. or perhaps, i'll just let them off or something. LATER. not so soon..hurhur.
anyways. lots of things to do. my to-do list is...so long. okok..shall stop mentioning im busy. just remember i'm busy ok? oh no, there i said it again, that im busy. no! i just mentioned my business.Stop! [see. clearly demented. but joyfully so]
tmr there's rehearsal at hotel early in the morn! urgh. then still must busy myself abt the preps. seriously, i guess im compelled to feel excited abt f.a.m. from the busyness and preparations. i have so many thoughts! hada really good talk/discussion/consultation today.
kmli blogged at 11/17/2005 01:35:00 PM
gupptalk
and i had piano. ohman. songs were a bore. and my back was breaking..i almost couldn't sit up, and yet, back to ethics, it just didn't seem pianoically ethical to slouch and play the piano. i can say i was just going to cry ready. cos my back hurts so much. i think i overstretched or something. basically, it hurts.
then, waited for mum's baking to be done before we went to aunty jacq's house to collect my prom dress. turned out she finished tailoring in the afternoon! if only she told me earlier! i was so tired already from the long day.
but anyways, the dress looked good. it looks good, still. me wearing it...i think, it's okay. a few demerit points la k. but as long as those demerit points does not remove my rights and my license to enjoy myself, all's well. i hope i have a good time - amidst all the rush to change. have i announced to the world about my title? ok. dont say first. gdnight
kmli blogged at 11/15/2005 04:50:00 PM
pain vs. numbness
i feel very happy today. hm. happy sounds so...happy only. ok. try again. i feel very..jubilant, exultant, thrilled, cheerful. why? because im currently experiencing muscle aches. why again? because i have been marching up and down town, grabbing last minute stuffs for f.a.m. [last minute again] i really don't know why there are so many last minute things to keep me occupied. but, such things...can afford to be last-minute la.
and feeling that 'stretch', im compelled to share with you about the books i've pulled off my shelf just..a few days ago. i didn't have time to read them previously because i was 'too busy'. - yes, again. it's quite tragic.
that scott anderson book 'triage' is just some war journalism story. there's this part this guy, a war reporter/ journalist, got injured rather badly and while he was recovering, the doc dude, who was probably very..numbed by the bloody effects of war that he was saying "feel pain today? excellent. pain is always better than numbness."
though it sounds a tad bit sadistic, i think it's true to a certain extent. literally or figuratively.
second book is margaret atwood's blind asassin. i'm...just bouncing here and there, reading off a few chapts from here, and a few from there, so i'm not exactly getting the story. but there are some parts that are quite gross also. like this:
[er, i can't find it.] it's basically abt child labour. the children were made to weave cloth, and they had to work long hrs, under bad conditions, lighting or food - don't even think abt wages. the delicate patterns on the cloth blinded children. and why children? because their fingers are small and nimble. so, to stretch this bad reality sore, so many children would become blind that when the merchants put out the textiles, their worth would be labelled " X children died in the process". The closer the value of X is to infinity, the higher the bidding price. and so what happens to the blind children? they get sold to brothels as sex slaves. why this industry? cos basically u dont need education and cos customers wanted those blind children for their supposedly exotic touch. [bewildered stare]
then there's another part they cut of young girls' tongue also. And it's horrible because i just flip from a normal state of mind/ working state of mind to that of a traumatised state. a war novel and another that has snippets of extremely pessimistic and...dystopic storytelling. it's obviously worse when they tell the story under perfectly serene conditions, like, under the starry sky in the park. the tonal normality boosts it's psychological unstability and insanity.
--------------------------------
i had a lecture about the end days during tz in church. thank goodness the speaker spoke fast. any slower i'll fall asleep. but no la, it's really interesting leh. if only i can do this in place of math or something. i'll attend every lecture, tutorial, enrichment/supplementry class and do my own readup in the library! i can't wait for next week. it's challenging and that's good. ok. i have lots of work to do! [my heart longs for math] - that's bad because most of the time when u hope for something, you don't get it. so the more i hope - the worse it shld get. so i shld deny my longing for math. so, somehow, it might come. warped logic, but there's sense eh? yes.
kmli blogged at 11/14/2005 12:07:00 PM
tired..
my prom dress is...in the making. see. last minute again.
im so glad the plot of the skit is...emerging...but it's still a lil nauseating for me to face that script and draft out a new script..uh...haiya. but still, i shall think positive.
met with doc dude to discuss abt attachment. i hope my proposed timing works out fine.
im so busy during the holidays! i think i really need to revise math! how.
tz camp worship prac is getting on...must persevere.. i hope christmas this year's going to be...fine...hope i'll be able to go for baptism. cos i'll be digging out my wisdom teeth and spending a night in hospital before that. shld be no carolling for me already. went for youth choir today. wrote song lyrics and drew. so fun. only demerit was that my skirt caught a lil of the crayon colors. then went to pines for dinner/meeting re: 10dec skit. oh. i've mentioned that.
the thing to do to just make the chamberwalls of my heart cave in is when i see that...tired...exhausted look on someone's face. goodnight. sleep is important, i guess.
kmli blogged at 11/13/2005 02:49:00 PM
attack.
the day the lone banana choco chip muffin got infested with chocolate chips.
invasion and revenge of the cocoa chips.
kmli blogged at 11/13/2005 03:16:00 AM
guppy woes
my back is breaking..i dunno why.
initially had plans to study..cos i thought holidays sure's gonna be deadly relaxing. but...im so busy. but...i'm lovin' it. really. weirdly. the business ah, woah. finally my brain's revived. i love my life now. haha..
erm. notice my blogs got not much..substance nowadays. it's cos
1] im too at peace
2] im too busy
3] im coming to terms with my new hol life.
i dunno what im feeling. except that im alright/fine/okay. no time to think. workworkwork =]
kmli blogged at 11/12/2005 03:46:00 AM
dine
goodnight.
kmli blogged at 11/10/2005 04:25:00 PM
goodnight.
kmli blogged at 11/10/2005 04:25:00 PM
West Side Story
Jets and Sharks. Richard Beymer and Natalie Wood.
because it is, the West Side Story.
kmli blogged at 11/09/2005 07:53:00 AM
official last day of sch at rgs.
ahh! i neeed to talk about the bands that came under school invasion from 95FM. I was uber scared. for the boulevard band that is. That singer was having spasms! i know he's trying to dance, and k la, can pass la, in terms of stage presence, but they were really 'possessed' kind of high and I don't exactly appreciate that sort of..liberation. At the end, his voice was hoarse and all that. well, if that's the effect, all talkative boys shld go be like him. k, back to that bryan whatever guy. he was forcing himself to tire, to sweat, to look 'hot'. literally or not. i just stood there with the unappreciative gang and looked, stared, Laughed.
then, for the ronan band. k la. they were better. the lead singer was. gd at some songs. he convinced me first with the hey mama song. then, i reluctantly joined my friends at his last song - hey, jude. not that i was waving or doing ANYTHING of that sort. I just brought myself to step closer, to stare harder. I was trying very hard to find that gd part to them. ronan made my job slightly easier. I HATED IT WHEN HE SCREAMED/SHRIEKED INTO THE MIKE. so possessed. then again, maybe i don't Know how to appreciate such band/singer etiquettes. it was loud, in general, and amusing..it's been some time since i had such challenges of having to bite my finger, and stare hard at something to comprehend something nonvirtual. though i confess, i still don't get it.
the albino looking guy was funny. he said they went to RI and the boys were lousy. like, super cold and unresponsive. he said some people looked as if they in a hurry to go back to STUDY. haha. actually, boys, if they are ego, you don't expect them to wave and cheer u on like girl fans la. so, maybe it's a gender thing? [shrugs] Jason says my blog language is mature. really? i've yet to see to it, whether it's gd/bad. but what for sound immature when I can afford maturity. if i fare well attaining it, i'll conquer that patch of soil, i guess. afterall, there are too many blogs striving too hard to attain maturity. but, im sure we'll all find it. maturity is amplified in a myriad of ways. [okay, i was trying to talk sense.]
after sch, had auditions for m.k.t.b. then, went to rj for dance. we arrived when it ended? yay.
oh. got back progress report today. k la, comments not bad. results? ahem. heh.
received lots of presents today..em, well, it'll be different next year, friends are still friends, but when there is a change of context, there can be big or small changes. they are all changes still. I like change. i like the discomfort and challenge. of course, changes i've been exposed to in life thus far are still, quite superficial in a sense. But well, sometimes i tell myself not to fear change...cos everyday's different and in a sense, i expect and anticipate change everyday. so, i'll survive. im growing to like my grad ring. that's good. well, I've a horribly packed holiday schedule. appointments, activites, blahblah, and Im still filling up slots. even my parents have to bk an appointment with me. pro not. sigh. i better get going.
p.s. as i reflect upon today, i realise i granted gary too many complimentary kisses. must tabulate my losses. but how to disarm gary. 'disarm' = like, muscle arm...dis arm...haha
kmli blogged at 11/05/2005 02:41:00 PM
nov.
was rushing options essay on deepavali. i know i'm a lil unique, but, wow, that sense of purpose, urgency and...simple busy-ness, was so, high-ifying. i was drunk on it.
[1] angsty, flaming, teenage bloggers. don't waste space and time, getting yourself angry by recounting and narrating your experiences and thoughts in most horrible engrish. if it is done with this half-mindedness that you can promote your seeming eloquence, let me tell you with a full mind then, that perhaps, you have lost your mind. when arguments go in circles, it's like shooting a weak arrow, then holding up the target in front of your face, smiling, and getting hit straight on. but, im sure such entries do have that occasional value for marketability? I like moving my cursor along everyline, and laugh it down, down to each punctuation and space. And when I come across words that sound so familiar, because i have used that exact phrase before, I pause for a moment to reread that sentence. Silently, I congratulate myself for having deserved such significance and influence over your life. [this is no blog war. dont be sensitive, u]
[2] Was farewell assembly today. Sindhu and my vote of thanks speech wasn't exactly good-good, but it was better than the runthrough we had on full dress rehearsal. It was tragic how we had to proceed with the wet weather plan. Sec ones had to watch a substandard telecast, which i find extremely tragic, because some sec twos and threes did not deserve that patch of wooden or concrete space under their bottoms because they were so barren in their capacity for etiquette and respect. They are the real deservers of the most substandard telecast. We owe them one. Anyway, the farewell programme for Mrs Chan was really nice. Especially the teachers' item. It was, amazingly fabulous. Encore. [why were the singing talents not discovered earlier]
[3] then i got a yellow slip for early dismissal and went down with the dancers for lunch at orchard, before proceeding to rjc for chingay 06 prac. after practice, went down to mos burger, to talk and rest [it was an extra hot day!] and rest and talk again, and drink some water, and ...it was for 2-3 hours? I sat till I ached all over and my head felt as if it was going to explode. But, got to hear really funny things, frm fellows and seniors. I think our dance batch is really nice =)
[4] came home and Jesse was here. this lil boy is so adorable, because he is such a little gentleman. He speaks so as-a-matter-of-factly, about his future career at KK hospital as a doctor, about how he will be a doctor first, then he will be one who tows away stalled vehicles when he has time, and how he needs to buy a car- a Ferarri. He is so talkative, with such a Short attention span and he speaks of numbers and facts and details with such passion and he explains stuffs and talk to you like an adult and he just makes you want to look hard at him again and just marvel at his weird, young antics. He drew three flowers for me, and put down his name and date. Also, he stated down his different classes so I can go and 'look for him' if i have time. P1A and P1B. [Jesse, you think the whole world only your class called that ah]
"At day school, I'm at P1A. I have to move from doors 2 to 6, for dining, and lessons and you can find me there. I am in P1B for night school. I don't know why I have so many schools. But my mother says to go, so I go. So I can quickly become a doctor. I want to be at KK. You know KK? It is a big hospital. Many nurses. I want to buy a Ferarri car. I want to go to a big school. There are many teachers and students. But now, I'm at P1A and P1B. It's different, but still many students. I study in school. I don't like Chinese because it is difficult." -- Jesse.
we are graduating soon. Friday's last day. It's pretty scary. I don't know what im feeling about this whole temporial parting thing, but, yes. Friday there is dance and auditions. Another thing to figure out. yes, we are graudating. I don't know why i use the word scary. well.
Filiae Melioris Aevi.
kmli blogged at 11/03/2005 03:16:00 PM
brain profile.
Part 1- Angles
This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space.
Your score: 16 out of 20 Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20 Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20
What does your result suggest? If you scored 0 - 12: You have more of a female brain. Scientists believe that people with a female brain find it more difficult to judge the slope of a line because they're not wired for spatial tasks. In past studies, 65 per cent of people who scored in this range were women.
If you scored 13 - 17: You found this test neither hard nor easy. This suggests your brain has male and female traits when it comes to spatial ability.
If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men.
Interestingly, men's testosterone levels fluctuate through the seasons and studies have shown that men's scores are lower in the spring, when their testosterone levels are at their lowest.
Do our cave dwelling ancestors offer us any clues about why men and women score differently on this task? Find out more. wow. so man.
Spot the difference
This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects.
Your score: 71% Average score for men: 39% Average score for women: 46%
What does your score suggest? If you scored between 0 - 33%: You may have more of a male brain. Scientists say men tend to under perform in this task. The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that links the right and left hemispheres, is a fifth larger in women. This means women can process visual and other signals at the same time more easily than men. There is also a theory that oestrogen levels in women give them an added advantage in spatial memory.
If you scored between 34 - 66%: You may have a balanced female-male brain.
If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another. Find out more about our spatial abilities. Wow. So woman.
You said your left thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.
Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.
Left thumb on top: This suggests the right half of your brain is dominant. Some studies theorise that as a right brain dominant person, you may excel in visual, spatial and intuitive processes.
However, these theories are debatable and leave much to be said about the small percentage of people who are ambidextrous. Find out why right-brained people may be better fighters and artists. wow. im a fighter.
Part 3- Emotions and Systems
This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise.
Empathising
Your empathy score is: 12 out of 20 Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20 Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20
What does your result suggest?Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising. i know. though over empathising cause you're i) faced with such situations and/or ii) you're gd at it - is tiring. sometimes i wish i can just 'dont' care' and jab at someone. the fighter and empathiser is at odds.
Systemising
Your systemising score is: 9 out of 20 Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20 Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20
What does your result suggest?Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation – anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.
Scientists are keen to learn more about people who score high or low on both tests. They want to find out whether or not empathising and systemising are linked. Is a possible to make yourself more empathic?
Some scientists claim that our empathy and systemising abilities can be traced all the way back to prehistoric times. Find out more. this is even more painful than empathising. look at my score.
Eyes
This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions.
Your score: 7 out of 10 Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10 Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10
What does your result suggest?If you scored 0 - 3: Do you think you're good at judging how another person is feeling? Your score suggests this doesn't come to you quite so naturally.
If you scored 4 - 6: Your result suggests you have a balanced female-male brain and find it neither easy nor difficult to judge people's emotions.
If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.
Professor Baron-Cohen at the University of Cambridge says that people usually perform better than they expect to on this test. Men often think a person's eyes are sending signals of desire when that's not the case at all. Find out more. im not your average woman, or man.
Part 4- Fingers
We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers.
Your ratios came to:Right Hand: 0.98 Left Hand: 0.95 Average ratio for men: 0.982 Average ratio for women: 0.991
It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.
Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.
Studies have found that men and women with lots of brothers generally have more masculine finger ratios. Find out what other things scientists think our ratios may tell us. the first time i measured my fingers. :P
Part 5 - Faces
This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.
Your choices suggest you prefer more masculine faces.
Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.
Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.
A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face. Are you surprised at what researchers think they can learn from your answers? Find out more. but im not ovulating.O.O. i mean, according to rgs sec 4 bio syllabus 05
Part 6- 3D shapes
This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.
Your score: 10 out of 12 Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12 Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12
What does your result suggest?If you scored 0 - 6: Do you find yourself having to physically rotate a map to point in the direction in which you're travelling? This might explain why you scored in the lower range in the 3D shapes test. Twice as many women as men score in this category. Previous studies suggest that those with a female-type brain or with an arts background fall into this range.
If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.
If you scored 10 - 12: Are you an engineer or do you have a science background? People with these skills tend to score in this range. Past studies have concluded that people in this range have a more male brain.
Nearly a third of men who took this test got full marks, whereas less than 10 per cent of women managed the same. Find out why. the first course i ruled out was engineering. did better than i expected, i suppose..
Words
This task looked at your verbal fluency.
Your score: you associated
12 word(s) with grey and you named
20 word(s) that mean happy.
We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct.
Average score for men: 11.4 words total
Average score for women: 12.4 words total
What does your result suggest?If you produced 1 - 5 words: You are more of the strong, silent type with a male brain. You probably find it easier to express yourself in non-verbal ways, preferring action rather than words.
If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.
Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone. Find out more . i've been of lil words recently.
Ultimatum
This task asked you how you would divide money.
If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £29
So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average. What does your response suggest?
Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.
Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising. Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power. Find out more about the role of testosterone. well. to sum up, i take big steps in negotiation and i can afford a gamble/risk. hoho.
kmli blogged at 11/01/2005 08:55:00 AM
Me
K M Li
alison
an
andrea
angie
anzie
azi sesame
azura
bernard
bryan
buddy chinghui
cat
charissa khor
charlene
chenjinlaoshi
cfdance
emelyne
gerry
huijie
huiyi
ian
jac
jason
jenn
jenna
jiayi
jinling
jingwen
jonny+sheila
john
juee
julia
justina
kaiying
karen
keefe
kevin
kelvin
kunda prime
leck hung
limin
lucinda
mae
melissa mak
meltan
michelle
mingsing
ms.lio
mr.brown
mr.chan(haha)
rachel
rng
robiah
ruth
sarah
shaosheng
sheena
sheralyn
sien
sixastandard
oldsis
newsis
parachuting-peas
siti
sophie
steph
stephanie
tim lee
vivian
wanchee
wanting
weili
wengwoh
wenmin
wenxin
yanlong
07S03L
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I think we dont need a tagboard. But we shall try.
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