mossadance

what can i say.
recently, the parents have been in my way.

Parents do not know the best. In fact, there are so many things that they would never ever know. Its one thing to know what you know and what you don't know. It's another thing totally, to be totally unaware and very assuming. I'm both annoyed and resigned. This imbalance is driving me crazy.

My mum's been acting on my behalf regarding dance. Parents are really, but legal representatives of their kid. No doubt, they have our best at heart; the best they perceive to be, that is. This mother's been trying very hard, working very smart. But somehow, mother, you see, there are just inner politics you don't comprehend. No one would. It's always good to have a choice. But when I'm landed with none, I choose to take it and personalize that choice, and make the best out of it. I hate ducking, sometimes, this time.

Now there are misunderstandings, and who can clear them up? Yes. She is the sole correspondent. I hate the circumstances I'm landed in. I hate the way it started. Now, I don't know what to expect, I don't know what’s happening. The very mention pains me, cos im totally, lost. Cos someone who loved me too much acted on my behalf.

I'm really mindful of how the others are judging me now. I don't usually care. But because im lost, within me, there's not much other stuff I can wonder about, can I? I have no idea what's going to happen. And I am scared. I don’t know why. Maybe cos someone’s been holding an umbrella over my head. Compared to where I am now, I'd rather I be drenched and soaked through to the skin, my own skin now.

I do not want someone else acting out my lines for me. Because it's not me. But then again, I didn't nip this whole plan in the bud, because I thought parents know. Because I loved them too much to disagree too much. Because I was distracted with other things along the way. because I didn’t rebel enough. So many becauses. Where’s the therefore.

kmli blogged at 9/04/2005 06:25:00 AM

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