mossadance

the just-let-me-say series #1 -

"im very tired. "

kmli blogged at 7/31/2006 11:03:00 PM

happened to pass by the tv and saw the news clip on the cip project at the one room flats in marsiling. the bad housing conditions, that look on the faces of the lower income groups, that sparkle in the eyes of the children just because they get computer lessons at the void decks? why do the lower income groups look so different? i mean, perhaps it's understandable in the way they carry themselves but we all started from infants right? why can't everyone look the same? i mean, the world is never fair but i dont want anyone to tease them. i dont want them to be scorned upon. but who's standard is the right standard anyway? to begin with, standards are but standards. so no standard has been right given the premise that the world isnt fair, right?

it warms my heart and pains me to see that sparkle in the eyes of lesspriviledged children. so glad that they get their share of childhood happiness, yet, frustration or something i dont know what - i cant figure out yet. hello? i had art lessons, dance lessons, swim lessons, storytelling (!?!), drama, arithmetic, chinese classes [although after all those lessons, im still like-that-only la, but that's not the point. haha], and here, the kids are clad in faded clothes, jumping with glee cos they are having lessons on old coms?

here's when i feel my 24hr fever was nothing.

the world isnt fair. and everyone's a victim (and benefactor from that). yet, when i harden my heart and think pragmatically, why do i think that the world need not and should not be fair.

kmli blogged at 7/30/2006 01:35:00 AM

it's been a time-out for me with the fever.
im letting go of many things, and that includes hw unfortunately.
i remember thinking as i lay stuck in bed in the earlyearly morning about pw.
i was thinking how it would be much nicer if i got a one-day shingles like yirui did.
i mean, weekends are how-precious for me to work even harder to catch up on everything, on life on work on rest on fun on dance on uh, life. (i think i have a life)
thanks for all the concern and patience, and chloe and kristel for stepping in for me for the proposal and preparation!

kmli blogged at 7/29/2006 10:28:00 PM

i remember the relief i felt yesterday, after school and h3chem ended. so relieved though i know it's temporal. happily changed into my blazer for interact ushering. can't remember when, but at some point of time, i thought i was just going to tip over. and as i was standing there with matthew and heqi, i remember telling myself/whispering to God for that matter, that thankgoodness i wasnt standing there alone because i was beginning to feel nauseous and giddy.

i really wanted to float home right away but i was scared to leave alone cos i was scaring myself by feeling sovery terrible and sick. so i went to the lt and tried to 'feel better' and rest. finally, i couldnt take it and i just charged home. i really felt so terrible i was going to cry. everything just felt wrong but i couldn't explain which part of me wasnt feeling well. collapsed in bed ~i still persevered and showered before sleeping~ at 8 and the fever started.

I love my mummy cos she woke up every hour to check on me to take my temperature and get me water. it was a horror to see so many smses at around 1am. i had zero energy to reply. at the 3am wakeupslot, i managed to reply some of the smses before collapsing again.zzz. the fever just didnt go down and i felt sick and pissed cos there was no way i could carry thru with today's events. i was suppose to have college day dance perf, church movie marathon and ASEAN dance night! to think i was fretting over managing my time for saturday just a few days ago but now, i'm reduced to being bedridden!

stayed in the whole of today and the fever peaked in the morning. i could barely manage >20 mins of sleep each time because i)i was aching all over ii)my brain was so fried i couldnt control my thoughts iii)i couldnt concentrate on sleeping cos everything and nothing was competing for my attention. seriously, i was dreaming about 'systems' the whole night. i can't remember what it was about, but it was something VERY procedural, running on a very tight schedule and i really hated the whole procedure and feeling and i remember working at a very fast pace to finish the machine-like-task but more and more came and with each step of the mechanism, i was working my gutjuices out. very mentally emotionally physically draining.

used to have a feverdream that is suppose to be a 3D railway track building thing taking place below a dollhousecafe. at the end of the dream, a train would be charging down the half completed railway and the noise would crescendo and i'll wake up with a shock. this new feverdream is much more dreary cos you can't pull yourself out of it. i managed to escape only when my mum woke me up and i felt so horriblyterrible i ended up sobbing. [Loser]

ok. back to council proposal for monday. im glad im feeling better. i can't remember having a 24hr fever for as long as i can remember. stupid way to end off, but in premature-celebration ~

"Fever" - michael buble

Never know how much I love you, never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night.
Sun lights up the daytime, moon lights up the night
I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm gonna treat you right
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the the morning, fever all through the night.

Everybody's got the fever, that is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing, fever started long ago.
Romeo loved Juliet, Juliet she felt the same
When he put his arms around her, he said "Julie baby you're my flame"
Thou givest fever, when we kisseth, fever with thy flaming youth
Fever - I'm afire, fever yea I burn forsooth.
Captain Smith and Pocahontas had a very mad affair
When her Daddy tried to kill him, she said "Daddy-O don't you dare"
Give me fever - with his kisses, fever when he holds me tight
Fever - I'm his Missus, Oh daddy won't you treat him right.

Now you've listened to my story, here's the point I have made:
Chicks were born to give you fever, be it Fahrenheit or Centigrade
They give you fever - when you kiss them, fever if you live and learn
Fever - till you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.

kmli blogged at 7/29/2006 08:54:00 PM

she wouldnt listen to me. she was beyond the point of control.
she ate up all of ms lio's prescribed medicine for me. and she was very very happy to choose her pill color and determine her own (over) dosage.

racial harmony day 06. NO..you're not taller than me okayy, try to cheat by jumping when mummy presses down the shutter...caught you! aha.. king tut's the funniest. and we actually gained air-time during principal's address! SO3L achievement! keep it up!
i locked my sister in the wardrobe. see the happy face? it's her new habitat. adaptation! anyways, the ikea men delivered 2 new wardrobes/drawers for the room. and we said goodbye to the lovely white cupboard of >10 years.

i WAS doing my math tutorial. i WAS hunting for foolscap on my desk. AND i found my councillor badge! im really really really glad. i wont lose it again! but there are mosquitoes in the house. my legs are scarred for life with mosquito kisses.

kmli blogged at 7/26/2006 09:56:00 PM

in-ef-fi-cien-cy

P Pronunciation Key (

-f

n-s

)
n. pl. in·ef·fi·cien·cies

some people wear this like a pendant on the chain round their necks. they tattoo it on their faces and adourn garments embroided with this.

kmli blogged at 7/26/2006 08:31:00 PM

Li Kun Man, i think you really suck so much. I'm sickened to see you so rotten. cry if you need to but please stop being such a pain soon. I can't stand you and I'm starting not to like you.

kmli blogged at 7/22/2006 10:38:00 PM

despite unhappy things, annoying things, frustrating things, boring things that do happen, there are some happy things to remember everyday.

(1) coming home, walking into my study, smelling 'my study'
(2) coming home, walking into my bedroom, smelling 'the bedroom'
(3) putting down my ultraman bag, sliding from the bedroom across the narrow hallway through the study on my socks, on the slippery floor.
(4) doing flag raising practice with kritarth...failed 5 times. horribly. after the final time, as i was rearranging the rope, i hooked the rope onto the hook. and nobody - me, mark or kritarth could reach it. (argh. im that pro). So, we decided we needed someone tall to untangle the mess. But no one tall was nearby. Called Lincoln and just at that moment, he popped up from uh, somewhere, and he carried kritarth to reach for the knot. (cause mark couldnt carry kritarth) it was somehow, very funny. oh, and because i was just so good at flag raising, mark sang the anthem 5 times? or more than that, cos everytime he went 'mari...' we would go 'wait, wait, start again'.

it's wed again tmr. i want everyday to be wednesday. not possible.
just like how i told julia and mel that i really hope that one day i would get some magic powers to enable myself to sleep and finish hw at the same time. it's like, once you close your eyes and give way to peaceful slumber, you know that your hw is being done simultaneously, with the same sleep efficiency quotient. not possible. i know. that's why i say i really hope.

i shall share an interesting logic abt hopes. you see, many things we hope for dont come true. so, if you want something badly, you shouldnt hope for it. pretend you dont and it might JUST come true!! warped i know, but what if there is some sense to this. don't regret mann.

kmli blogged at 7/18/2006 07:24:00 PM

school till 3.30. read through some notes. 4pm estate manager meeting. missed teachers' day meeting. 4.55pm commzd. 5pm gavel. missed council camp handover since dunno when. 6 finish gavel. decided to 'escape' home. 6.45 reached home. realise i have piano in 30 mins. ate dinner and checked email. disrupted halfway for piano. didnt practice but supposedly 'better'. halfway through piano lesson, i cannot process instructions already. F# sounds like F minor, E minor sounds like D major to the ears. neighbour's little girl came to visit and i entertained her. now. what's that thing they say is quite important...ohyes. homework right?

·$12§h€rM@n [Love does not consist in gazing at each other - but in looking outward together in the same direction] says:
bet u can do well one.. juz need to take some time out to like read through the stuff again

ok. i try. but so hard leh, you know anot...

kmli blogged at 7/13/2006 09:50:00 PM

"Failures are more finely etched in our minds than triumphs, and success is an elusive, if not mythic, goal in our demanding society" (Hugh Drummond).

okay. i didn't mean to start off with a pessimistic quote, but, after i read it, i thought 'fair enough', so no harm.

grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
frenchbraid. if u know what that is
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
technically no
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
i can wikipedia it dont worry
[grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
haha!
=after a while=
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
A French braid, unlike a regular, three strand braid, starts with small sections of hair at the crown of a person's head, and intermittently, more hair is added to each section as the braid progresses down the head. The classic French braid is a single braid at the back of one's head, though variations on this hairstyle include side braids and twists.
[grozengrape.][cold showers.] says:
does it help?
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
cant really imagine tt but i guess tts what i meant by a "ponytail"
Where is the moment we needed the most...You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.........[daniel powter] says:
shld be u la i've seen ur posters

HM. r.i. boys...tsk. wikipedia leh! sho shmart so dont playplay.

okay. today has been quite. i dunno what. so i shall blog abt random things that carry hints of 'today'.

Ms Naidu: " Hm...you look very sad, and tired"
Me: Looks up, smilesmile. (what's there to say if it's true)
Ms Naidu: "[pause]"
Me: [thinks: uh, yea, anything else? can i rest my head on the table again?]
Ms Naidu: "...actually, ever since you became a counsellor..."

Me: ?!? sits up, ALARMED. "huh, really."
Ms Naidu: smilesmile, "yea" walks away to another group.
Me: wide awake. not tired anymore. somersaulting my brains, very puzzled.

i was very bothered by what she said, cause if it's true, i'm not realising it, and i mean, for her to say something like that, i hope it means something and i hope i figure out what that means. so i thought very hard and yea, did a 'reflection' (on the train doors, no la. kidding.)

[1] hypothesis one: i've been feeeling happy, quite happy thus far, but i've also been kept busy. so perhaps, i havnt had the energy to reflect my 'happiness'? no spare battery to bother showing you im happy. if im happy, im happy already what. what's there to be (proven).

[2] i've been telling myself that i have to look happy and cheerful to brighten other people's day. it just does not do justice to them if i choose to be sad and difficult. but somehow, i realise im finding it more and more difficult. i mean, compared to how i was always full of nonsense in rg~sec three? it's been getting harder by and by.

[3] yea. i think it's the no-energy-to-show-happiness thing. but usually, around some people, i'm always happy. but it's not fair to say i wont smile if you dont make me laugh...so...i'll figure that out some day.

[4] there are sad things happening in my life, but as of this moment, i'm still happy. this one i'm sure. i just hope i wont be feeling too happy, thereby leading to contentment and then slipping down to complacency.

[5] i'm sorry if im a pain in the ass, if i dont smile enough. cos sometimes i'm darn selfish, i bet you know. i get a kick out of ignoring people on purpose if i dont feel like responding. dont think i have an attitude problem la. im just trying to cut myself some slack and take some risks, and do a teeny weeny bit of 'i can't be bothered behavior' that i really really have no chance for. be a joyful victim. oh. but please dont ignore me. keep trying and drill to up your charisma quotient. there are some people i just can't ignore any way :). finally.

kmli blogged at 7/12/2006 07:26:00 PM

As we walk to the left as we walk to the right,
as we walk as we walk as we walk all night.
with a heel and a toe and a half turn around,
with a heel and a toe and a new friend found!

kmli blogged at 7/10/2006 08:23:00 PM

http://kmli.shutterfly.com

thanks for all the bdae wishes presents company and *ahems*

kmli blogged at 7/09/2006 10:00:00 PM

it's been a lot of yummy birthday money so far. why? becase i'm so pathetic i havnt got time to go shop for birthday presents. frankly, having to ponder over birthday presents is really silly compared to all the other concerns i should be having right now.
turning 17 has been cool so far. but what i make of it will be what i remember of this. so wake up you silly. kunman can you buck up.
i hope, urgh, forget it. i shan't tell you what im hoping for. my own hope, my own grief to bear if i let myself down, again.

kmli blogged at 7/07/2006 12:56:00 AM

introducing a no-fat snack. i overheard my mummy telling my grandma the receipe, so, because my attention is always diverted/dispersed when there is no crisis/emergency/insurgency, i can't gurantee i caught everything right.
(1) cut guave slices. you must be patient and cut thin slices. my patient mama is very pro at this. my grandpa praised her.
(2) get mandarin orange peels dried ones.
(3) get ice water, dump (1) U (2) in. chill it in the fridge.
i dunno how long you must leave it in the fridge, but i suppose you can take it out and taste it and experiment yourself. i've always thought cooking is one mega chem experiment, that's all. (are you afraid now..heh)

there are new insights gained abt myself and i've come up with a more final version of the things im really very particular about. (waiting for 3am now. so much odd jobs to do. no time to sleep)

1. this one shld be well known - that im scared and disgusted by moss. it makes me want to just float off the ground and float away because im so terrified of moss/mould/fungi.

2. dust - annoys me. this is one thing that will never stop bothering you your whole life. it flies up, it settles. it's like playing a game of sure lose catching. but dont catch cannot also. hmrpff.

3. oral noises.
aha. this one is impt. i cannot stand people who make salivatory noises when eating. it's not just the simple slurping. i had the sloshy sounds of the food particle being swung and sloshed around the walls of your mouth. this one just quickens my heartbeat and raises my bloodpressure (i think i can feel it) and i feel like asking you to shut up and yet, i dont want to be unreasonable. i get very mad inside until the din ends.

ohwells. back to work. go deutschland.

kmli blogged at 7/05/2006 12:39:00 AM

syn·er·gy

P Pronunciation Key (s

r-j

)
n. pl. syn·er·gies

The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.
Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.

it's quite heartbreaking. like when u diedie must draw a circle freehand, the ends just keep missing each other. they just cannot meet. and you get everything except a full complete circle.

(x - h)² + (y - k)² = r ²

kmli blogged at 7/04/2006 08:21:00 PM

was reordering my life by packing up my study. (horrible)
next is reordering another chunk of my life - gmail.
came across this quotation i Had to take down last year while i was compiling my reports for dr mahathir and aung san suu kyi. pouring through numerous thick biographies/references in great joy, i just had to take down what the latter said.

" ...Glass splinters, the smallest with its sharp, glinting power to defend itself against hands that try to crush, could be seen as a vivid symbol of the spark of courage that is an esssential attribute of those who would free themselves from the grip of oppression..."

i think it's beautiful. beautifully written for something so loathesome.

kmli blogged at 7/03/2006 08:18:00 PM

why soccer again? why am i always talking abt soccer. not like i know stuffs abt it also. maybe cos the rest of the time when im not sitting down, im just flying around running around it takes a little more effort to recall how i spent my time.

ya. so i barely slept for an hour before church cos i was, yes, here.

oh, then just now had council post investiture party. k la. quite fun. managed to shop for chinghui's two presents. a superman ball and a small rubber frisbee. hope he likes it.

i have a feeling germany will win, but i want france to win. wednesday i shall watch again, since im excused frm school for thursday! international physics olympiad, Dance performance. (chayy) i miss real dancing.

kmli blogged at 7/03/2006 12:31:00 AM

soccerdate with daddyo since cts are beyond rescue. very happening to go down to club lounge to watch. so loud and oomphy. going tmr night again.

lehmann looks like my sec3 german teacher.

kmli blogged at 7/01/2006 02:18:00 AM